Criticizing Taylor Swift

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April 27, 2017 by hallyrh

Am I the only person on the planet who finds Taylor Swift… annoying? (Something must be really wrong with me.)

When I was younger, I downloaded the crap out of her songs since they were so relatable, but time passed and I grew, and my tastes in music eventually evolved.

When I would browse billboard contenders to update myself on whose music is happening now, apart from Drake (maaaassive eyeroll), Taylor Swift would usually be in the roster. I would play her song sample and feel downright disappointed because she’s still warbling about the same old crap from years ago.

But I get why her music is so popular. There are no hidden philosophical meanings behind the lyrics that will leave you wondering about the purpose of life and shit — it’s as is, in a language people can easily understand and with an emotion people can easily tap into without making you want to sit in a dark corner in a Starbucks over a bitter cup of Americano as you brood over your life choices. Plus, they’re pretty catchy. In fact, some of her catchiest songs are still in my music player. It brings a wave of nostalgia when one of her old cutesy songs play randomly. But to say I listen to it actively would be pushing it.

While it’s cute when she was a teenager, Taylor’s now a quarter-lifer… I mean, to still be singing like a middle-schooler scorned by a boy for the first time? Not cutting it. Well for me, at least. Not that my opinion matters very much, but I’m just throwing it out there.

And I can’t say this without sounding horrible, but I do not find her little quirks and her ohmigod-I-can’t-believe-I-won sweetheart act on award shows at all endearing — on the contrary I find it supremely annoying.

Everyone has a mean streak. Everyone has a yin. Trying to cover it up with a sickeningly sweet sissy charismatic attitude can make people want to punch you in the face.

Which is why, going back, I find Taylor Swift’s seemingly pristine and highly amiable public image completely deceitful.

Observe the way she parades all these tall, beautiful friends of hers – her so-called “squad”. It’s totally contradicting the character she portrays to her fans. One moment she’s all weird cat-lady and then she’s all glammed up with her team of unattainable it-friends looking and posing smugly at the camera the next.

She’s probably trying to show us that she has the best of both worlds — “Lookit guys, I maybe thin and tall and beautiful but I’m just like the next average person who knows the lyrics to Ed Sheeran’s new song and posts pictures of cats on the interwebs.” And with her fierce photos with model and celebrity friends, she apparently promotes the sheer force of female friendship.

And people, unpredictably predictable, buy it.

W-O-W.

I don’t understand it myself. Am I jealous of Taylor Swift? Of course I’m jealous of Taylor Swift! Who isn’t jealous of Taylor Swift? She’s richer than three-quarters of the global population! She looks all statuesque posting bikini pics while summering in the Carribean on a yacht!

I’m not jealous, however, of the fact that she makes a spectacle of her past lovelives through her music, yes even up to this date, and then calling “foul” when people mock her for it. I don’t get it. It’s all very contradicting.  (Like celebrities claiming they’ve always dreamed of becoming famous, but then hides their faces in public with sunglasses and masks.)

I mean it’s not like it’s a secret. She has admitted to writing songs about past boyfriends, even jokingly warning boys about breaking her heart. And then she was used as a punchline by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in the Globes and suddenly she’s playing the feminist card, basically saying it’s such a shame women in the industry don’t help each other out.

She’s an enigma, basically. I refuse to believe she’s just this small-town, next-door girl with no bad blood who just happened to be famous for doing what she loves, or whatever teen-novel cock-and-bull material her PR team feeds to the public. People are growing up and slowly realizing that she isn’t that person, and hopefully when she releases a new album, she’s finally ready to dish out songs that are not loosely based on her romantic failures. I mean, she’s always portrayed as this positive, sunny person. I find it hard to believe that she won’t be able to find other song inspirations — wasn’t she dubbed as a “lyrical genius”?

We’re just ready for new material from you, T-Swift. 

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